My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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