i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
