you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cat gives me a boner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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