I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
