Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
