he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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