Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
