found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
