How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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