What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your cock deserves a montage
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
