Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
