Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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