I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
