ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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