I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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