I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
