the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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