OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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