tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
