I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
