Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
