We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
