the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
