so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
