I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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