Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
