i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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