I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
