i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the condom got lost in my hair
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Blood and glitter go together right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
