i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
