the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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