He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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