FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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