He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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