I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
