Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
