Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
