what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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