literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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