What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
