oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
