I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
