I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
