One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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