I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
