Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Alive.
So much puke
I would ride that face into the sunset
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
