He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
