It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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