This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
