im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
