I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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