i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
