I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
